50 Shades of Geordie

[Lons]

Anybody wanting a translation - divint bother -aa divint knaa nowt

Bob


50 Shades of Geordie…


Aa knew as soon as I waalked through the door from dropping the bairn off at me mams hoose that aa was ganna get some.
Aa peeped through the fist-hole in the livin room door and saw the half a rolley borning in the ashtray porched on the arm of me new Bright Hoose corner settee.

The telly was torned reet doon, aa cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin’aboot the new fashion for the summer nor nowt.
Then aa saw ‘im and me heart skipped a beat, he'd obviously had a crisis loan from the benefit and been doon to sports Direct ‘cos he was wearing a brand new pair of pants. Y’na – them sexy tracky bottoms as weel as new flossies.

His ripplin white chest peeped oot from behind the zip of his superdry coat, that was sexily zipped only halfway up, just enough to cover the tab burns, but gave me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come.

He pulled me towards him like and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before plantin’ the lips on us, aa trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Stella.
He took us there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst wor staffy Tyson looked on. Didn’t even bother to pick up the empty cans, just kicked them oot of the way.
He left withoot a word, but aa knew he would be retornin’ soon, with stories of a fight doon the job centre queue and his joy at finding a poond coin on the floor of the 54 bus.

Aa tried to settle myself doon with a tab but aall the while that one question borned in me heart…



Would he remember me meat pasty from Greggs?

 

[Max Power]

whae ah divvent nar. :roll: Ya cum on a woodworkin site tae hav a bit a crack wi the lads an arl ya get is sum divvy lass gannin on aboot her gadgy :shock:

 

[Russell]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel"

 

[Dibs-h]

Russell - that's a cracker. Good job I'd finished my coffee! LOL!