When insults had class

[Lons]

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
Don't know whether they're historically correct of course and though I've seen them before, still get a chuckle out of some of them

Bob

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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
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A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
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"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
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"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
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"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
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"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
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"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
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"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
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"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
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"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
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"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
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"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
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"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
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"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
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"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
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"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts -- for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

 

[Savil]

Interesting, especially that I study English lit...
Ty for sharing.

 

[Pvt_Ryan]

Nothing like sharp wit. Cheers for improving my day..

 

[kirkpoore1]

"If General McClellan isn't going to use his army, I'd like to borrow it for a time." --Abraham Lincoln

 

[squib]

Lady Astor to Sir Winston:
Sir Winston you are drunk!
Lady Astor you are ugly but tomorrow i shall be sober.

 

[Richard T]

W. Churchill: "An empty cab drew up and Clem Attlee got out."

G. Marx: "From the moment I picked up your book till the moment I put it down I couldn't stop laughing. Some day I intend to read it."

D. Parker "The T is silent; as in Harlow."

Eric Morcambe (On hearing that Des O'Connor had asked his audience to pray for him following his near fatal heart attack) "That was a smashing thing for Des to do for me and I'm sure that the prayers of those sixteen or twenty people did me a lot of good."