When I am in charge!

[doctor Bob]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

 

[Gerry]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Isn't that a smile

 

[doctor Bob]

My son used to fart in a confined space and then ask if anyone could smell melon in a loud voice just to get people to sniff the air .............. little tyke.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

As an added bonus...

I'd have tautologies like "added bonus" banned. :lol: (sorry, CC )

 

[transatlantic]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Would also be good for pools.

 

[Garno]

What constitutes a stupid haircut?

One that requires me to sit in the barbers for aaaaages, due to people having haircuts that take 30mins at a time! ... and then get their hair washed, and then sit with a hot flannel over their face.

ffs!

Being a baldy not only saves me money but also time it seems,
Oh happy days
.

 

[transatlantic]

What constitutes a stupid haircut?

One that requires me to sit in the barbers for aaaaages, due to people having haircuts that take 30mins at a time! ... and then get their hair washed, and then sit with a hot flannel over their face.

ffs!

Being a baldy not only saves me money but also time it seems,
Oh happy days
.

Yes, but how much do you spend on sun lotion!

 

[doctor Bob]

I'd also legalise drugs and increase alcohol costs.

 

[Garno]

Yes, but how much do you spend on sun lotion!

Not enough, Had a head like a strawberry during the heatwave, only outside for less than an hour

 

[Inspector]

Hat. :wink: From a guy that shaves his head. :lol:
Pete

 

[Cheshirechappie]

As an added bonus...

I'd have tautologies like "added bonus" banned. :lol: (sorry, CC )

Fair cop, Guv.

I shall re-read my copy of Gowers' 'Plain Words' forthwith. If not sooner.

 

[Cheshirechappie]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Would also be good for pools.

I didn't know that pools farted, whether in confined spaces or not.

(P.S. - Everybody farts, don't they? If you didn't, your a*se would swell up, wouldn't it?)

 

[Garno]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Would also be good for pools.

I didn't know that pools farted, whether in confined spaces or not.

(P.S. - Everybody farts, don't they? If you didn't, your a*se would swell up, wouldn't it?)

I had an ex girlfriend who claimed she never farts,
got rid of 2 dogs, and a kitten before I realised that not only could she fart she was also an adept liar. :shock:

 

[transatlantic]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Would also be good for pools.

I didn't know that pools farted, whether in confined spaces or not.

(P.S. - Everybody farts, don't they? If you didn't, your a*se would swell up, wouldn't it?)

I meant people urinating in pools

 

[rafezetter]

And when did all solicitors in the U.K. become lawyers?

When they found out soliciting and living on the earnings thereof are illegal in the UK
:lol:

Strange one this. :?

Solicitors by definition earn their living by soliciting thereby gaining obscene amounts for little time from others ( expensive prostitution ).

Lawyers do the same but more agressively ( desperate prostitution ) and actively offer themselves on a no win no fee basis. ( cheap prostitution ). Using the telephone to invade privacy and cajole people into claiming for fictional injury.

However a solicitous act is one of caring and concern for others, :? certainly not in my experience. :lol:

Applogies to and lawyers or solicitors on the forum, no offence intended.

Oh trust me saying "soliciting" in a court room will get you stern faces and an immediate "I object" from just about everyone except me - coz I was the one saying it - oh and a warning from the judge without actually explaining what I'd done wrong. "I don't know anything about soliciting" - when being told I would have to represent myself after my brief didn't turn up and asking for an extension, which was denied, despite the prosecution being given THREE in the previous 2 years before my case was finally heard.

yeah I lost, 9 points and a £2,500 fine**. Won't ever trust the legal system again.

**Despite reading in the news about a month later a famous person having a crash while intoxicated (I was not it was 10.am) and getting just £150 fine and no points.

When I am in charge police personnel won't be allowed to say "we are going to make an example of him and nail him to the wall" to the FOUR witnesses for the prosecution (direct quote) and still be allowed to give a testimony against said person.

Often wondered if that consituted an unfair trial..

A 70mph RTA - wrong place, wrong time, 5 mph over the limit, on a bone dry day - for my troubles 3 weeks in hospital, and months of physio to get me walking and being able to use my hands again almost lost an eye, broke all the fingers in my left hand and severe damage to my right hand. I've still got a dent in my head from the impact and glass in my face and hand.

.....

and that wasn't even my first run in with a bent copper who tried to get me sent down for an act when I was not the offending party, but the only one they had to offer a judge.

When I am in charge police persons will all be Vulcan, no bias.

 

[rafezetter]

The title of this thread is "When I am in charge!" Anyone got anything positive to bring to the table?

Yes, I have!

When I am in charge, a Special Place will be created for people who want to rant on internet forums, thus leaving said forums free for those among us who contribute thoughtful, insightful, witty and informative comments. All that's needed is for someone to be appointed to decide between rant and thoughtful.




Oh. Hang on - I think I might have spotted a slight flaw in that plan. :? It's pretty much where we are, isn't it.....

Erm - as you were, chaps .....

We could have a "get it off your chest mate - go on have a good /rant." thread. Only rule, no racism, religionism (or whatever) no errm "hate speech" as it pertains to specific groups of people; dunno how else to say it, you know what I mean.

I'll prolly be first, it's cheaper than a shrink - well actually I wouldn't know, never been able to afford one despite *twitch* possibly needing one.

It might even have the positive effect of opening awareness for some of our members life struggles as most people live in a cloud of "I don't want to hear about it" - which usually means they are then part of the problem.

Like people who give the banal answer of "pull yourself together / get over it" when hearing about someone feeling depressed - real depression, not the new "snowflake" version.

 

[rafezetter]

I would commission the best inventors in the world to produce something which shows when some one has farted in a confined space. Maybe a gas in the air which turns green when someone farts. This may stop the lift farters, shop farters, train farters etc they have been getting away with the silent deadly ones for too long (I believe it's often the fairer sex)

Won't work - because those of us brung up right, will hold it in or get off - move away - do something to mitigate it.

Those who don't care, don't care, even if standing in a cloud of green toxic gas. They'll just stand there and look at you with the expression "I farted, it stinks, I had garlic last night, I feel better, do I care?"

I've had people from foreign nations fart on ESCALATORS for deus sake, they KNOW your face is at a.r.s.e. level and they STILL DO IT.

Only thing that might change that behaviour would be "open carry" of paintball guns, and a law that says you can freely pelt any offender with an entire magazine of pellets - those pippers STING.

 

[Noel]

The title of this thread is "When I am in charge!" Anyone got anything positive to bring to the table?

Yes, I have!

When I am in charge, a Special Place will be created for people who want to rant on internet forums, thus leaving said forums free for those among us who contribute thoughtful, insightful, witty and informative comments. All that's needed is for someone to be appointed to decide between rant and thoughtful.




Oh. Hang on - I think I might have spotted a slight flaw in that plan. :? It's pretty much where we are, isn't it.....

Erm - as you were, chaps .....

We could have a "get it off your chest mate - go on have a good /rant." thread. Only rule, no racism, religionism (or whatever) no errm "hate speech" as it pertains to specific groups of people; dunno how else to say it, you know what I mean.

I'll prolly be first, it's cheaper than a shrink - well actually I wouldn't know, never been able to afford one despite *twitch* possibly needing one.

It might even have the positive effect of opening awareness for some of our members life struggles as most people live in a cloud of "I don't want to hear about it" - which usually means they are then part of the problem.

Like people who give the banal answer of "pull yourself together / get over it" when hearing about someone feeling depressed - real depression, not the new "snowflake" version.

What's the difference between your two versions of depression?

 

[rafezetter]

We could have a "get it off your chest mate - go on have a good /rant." thread. Only rule, no racism, religionism (or whatever) no errm "hate speech" as it pertains to specific groups of people; dunno how else to say it, you know what I mean.

I'll prolly be first, it's cheaper than a shrink - well actually I wouldn't know, never been able to afford one despite *twitch* possibly needing one.

It might even have the positive effect of opening awareness for some of our members life struggles as most people live in a cloud of "I don't want to hear about it" - which usually means they are then part of the problem.

Like people who give the banal answer of "pull yourself together / get over it" when hearing about someone feeling depressed - real depression, not the new "snowflake" version.

What's the difference between your two versions of depression?

Quite a lot.

It's an overused word, with no real understanding. Often mistaken for "feeling a bit upset / down / discouraged / low spirits / stressed.... and almost all other TEMPORARY negative emotions, that pretty much everyone feels a few times a year.

"I always get depressed around christmas" - no, you don't - you get feelings of low spirits, lonliness, exclusion, isolation, unhappiness and others, but not "depression".

Depression is the one where you wake up and can't decide between getting out of bed and doing something, or going back to sleep and hoping you'll die in your sleep, because it's easier. People with real depression aren't grateful to wake up every morning, sometimes they don't mind, and sometimes they are even mildly "happy" because they haven't finished something and can carry on - but that usually only applies when they are doing stuff for other people, as that gives them some semblance of worth.

There's a reason why actual "depression" got upgraded to "clinical depression".

good enough?

 

[Suffolkboy]

My son used to fart in a confined space and then ask if anyone could smell melon in a loud voice just to get people to sniff the air .............. little tyke.

That had me crying with laughter.