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Understanding Engineers

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DaveL

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- Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."


- Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


- Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


- Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


- Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


- Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


- Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.
 

PowerTool

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Waka":28y006fq said:
Dave

You are cruel :(
But funny.. :lol: :lol: :lol: (I have qualifications in agricultural engineering - does that count me in,or count me out ? :? )

Andrew
 

frank

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nice one dave

power tool i dont know if it counts you in or out, but i'm sure it will grow on you :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol:

frank
 

DaveL

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Neil,

Well I must admit that #7 is my favorite. :roll:

I asked if it was too late to add a talking frog to my wish list for secret santa at work. :shock:
 

trevtheturner

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So what will you do with your talking frog, Dave, if you get one?
Keep it in your pocket? Or kiss it? :wink: :lol: :lol:

Cheers,

Trev.
 

frank

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dave DONT KISS THE FROG just think of all the grief you will get from the boss she wont like it one bit ,not to mention the trouble you will get from the frog .(needs new outfits shoes ect ect ) :roll: :roll:

frank
 

Chris Knight

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Dave,
Just keep the frog waiting a bit longer, the promises get better all the time. Sooner or later - we all have our price - and she'll match yours!
 

DaveL

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Definitely keep it in my pocket, come on Guys have a talking frog would be mega cool :roll: :wink:
 

Alf

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Taffy,

You 'puter seems to have inserted random letters into your post. 8-[ Got a virus? :wink: :lol:

Cheers, Alf, NtPH*

*Nothing to Put Here :lol:
 

WoodPecker

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A Mechanical Engineer, a Electronics engineer and a Civil engineer are discussing the design of the human body and they begin to wonder what type of engineer god is. The mechanical engineer observes that God must be a mechanical engineer as the human body has a lot of joints which have to last a lift time. The Electronics engineer disagrees and says that he must be an Electronics engineer as the human body has such a complex nervous system. The civil engineer disagrees and says that you only have to look at how the human body is proportioned and therefore God must be a civil engineer.
What type of engineer is God? The answer is obvious, he must be a civil engineer, who else would route a toxic waste outlet through the middle of a recreational area?
 

Taffy Turner

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Alf":1wjzbkwn said:
Taffy,

You 'puter seems to have inserted random letters into your post. 8-[ Got a virus? :wink: :lol:

Cheers, Alf, NtPH*

*Nothing to Put Here :lol:
The sad remnants of a tragically mis-spent youth I'm afraid..... :oops:

Taffy
 

Taffy Turner

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Don't actually fix much at all - other than the odd repair job around the house.

Once upon a time I was Maintenance Manager for one of Lucas Girling's factories - looked after about £20 million worth of CNC machines. Interesting enough job, but the industrial relations side of things was like a throwback to the '70s.

Now I spend most of my time doing thermal simulation work for the window industry, with a bit of training and consultancy work thrown in when it is available.

Regards

Taffy
 
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