Things you can't dent with the spouse

[Rorschach]

@Rorschach - now that is man thinking - seeing that statement as a compliment. Take it from the husks of the Once-men, "That is not how it works!"

I'll report back her response, assuming I survive!

I know her sense of humour though, she will probably come back with "Ahh but are their woman as bad as me for ......."

 

[D_W]

re: the pizza video above, my spouse also judges pizza sizes by number of slices. She asks me the same question every time and every time, I say "ask what the diameter is. some places call a 14 inch pizza large, and some will give you an 18" pizza for that and the 18 is monstrously larger in volume unless it's extremely thin".

waiter comes "how many slices?"

F_!

 

[D_W]

I have seen a local couple where the man and woman are identically wired, though and when they do have a disagreement, it's really brooding because they expect they'll never have one. Causes the fellow to wilt and accommodate.

My best man is in a similar pickle - his wife understands (she's much smarter than he is academically and has a file cabinet memory) everything that he likes or does, and he doesn't really follow much from her. It's not possible to hide in a discussion about overhead valves or side valves in their house, or a wet sleeve engine vs. whatever else, etc. If you misspeak, she will line you out.

 

[Terrytpot]

A few years back swmbo went all thrifty on me to such an extent that she actually got to the point where she almost saved as much money a month as she was earning from working...obviously you know where that was headed (if you don't, she no longer works!) so I can't compare mine to all of your thermostatically challenged partners. As an example of her shrewdness, how many of you have plug in air fresheners...on timers! (but not anymore as they weren't frugal enough for her liking)

 

[rafezetter]

LOL do you feel better after getting all that off your chest D_W?

 

[Sachakins]

The undentable belief in a bargain, with normal outcome for the husband thats not wise enough just to nod and say, "that's lovely darling.

The proverbial bargain with the elaborate verbal argument, that, in the end dumps you on your ass for asking.

Husband " Did you get anything in the sales dear?
Wife "Yes"
Husband "What was it"
Wife "It was such a bargain, I just couldn't ĺet someone else get, you will never get it at that price ever again"
Husband "What was it"
Wife " It was a saving of £75."
Husband "What was it "
Wife "The only one left."
Husband, now in an apoplectic rage. "WTF did you buy."
Wife "A gadget thingy for the kitchen"
Husband, now bursting the blood vessels in his neck and temple, "One last time, WTF is it....."
Wife "Its just in case I need it thingy"
Husband is now about to have a coronary thrombosis "WTF is a thingy!" Blood vessels bursting in his brain now.
Wife "You know, its just like everything you buy for your workshop, its a thingy that you will use someday"
HUSBAND "⊙○⊙○⊙○⊙○⊙ DOH"
WIFE, "Now that I've saved you £75, can you make me a fancy coffee in that New £425 barrista thingy coffee maker.
and as I saved you so much, the least you can do is buy me that £75 handbag I always wanted.

Husband "But thats not saving err umm, ok ill get you the bag darling."

 

[Bm101]

My mrs can watch star wars and ask who that guy is with the asthma and is he that lad with no hand. Are they the same person? Let that sink in.
Literally tonight we watched News of the world on Netflix. New Western. Worth a watch btw. . 25 minutes in. Is that Tom Hanks?
Tom Hanks! Ffs! The most recognisable actor of modern times.
I dont even blink these days. tbh sometimes I dont even answer. This one made me raise my eyebrows. Yes love.
Ahhhhh. I didn't recognise him because he had a hat on.
A hat on!
I was once stood in the garden with my mrs and we saw a satellite swoop over. oh look she said.
Good money I said without missing a beat. But the hours are shi%e and it's got to be lonely driving them.
Shut up. she knows I'm lying but she can't help but trust me.
Noooo. There people up there driving them obviously.
Stop it.
Why else have they got headlights love?
And she knows! She knows I'm winding her up and she cant help falling for it. Brilliant. She is hard wired to be trusting. And I love her for it.
My mrs is far more intelligent (in certain ways ), and interesting and personable than me. She works on the cure for cancer( no. not all on her own). She runs a team of people who buy her nice sh*t at christmas because she looks after them all in a job I couldn't begin to manage never mind excel at.
Apples and Oranges and thank god. Might drive you mad sometimes but imagine being with another version of yourself. I literally can't think of a worse idea although theres a few on here it might suit I reckon.

 

[AFFF]

None of the women I have ever had a serious relationship with believe that sharp kitchen knives are safer than blunt ones.

And that every possible requirement for a knife in the kitchen can be fulfilled with a bread knife! I sharpen my kitchen knives with ceramic rods with an occasional grind on a whetstone. She just uses them once and throws then in the stainless steel kitchen sink when she's finished then wonders why they go blunt! I keep a set of knives for personal use separate and have at least taught her not to touch them

 

[Rorschach]

Some say that the secret to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms, I wonder if the truth is separate knife sets?

 

[Hopeful]

My lovely little one has this problem
She ramps it up and goes about her daily routine all the windows and doors are open !!!!!
She tells me I’m airing the house (with the heating on full so she don’t get cold ) lots off anger over the years and waisted arguing so got a plumber mate to pop around for a cupper in the loft make sure it’s working right for her as the weather is getting colder told her the he said the best way was to program directly from the boiler and he explained to her that it will kick in when it drops in temperature

Iv hid the thermostat as nothing has change
Got to chat to a mate for a while
Brownie points for thinking of her

This is my story not advice dot at your own risk

 

[baldkev]

Some say that the secret to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms, I wonder if the truth is separate knife sets?

If we end up in separate bedrooms, im getting a separate house!

 

[Jester129]

Hopeful - Is it me or......Eh?

 

[Phil Pascoe]

And that every possible requirement for a knife in the kitchen can be fulfilled with a bread knife! I sharpen my kitchen knives with ceramic rods with an occasional grind on a whetstone. She just uses them once and throws then in the stainless steel kitchen sink when she's finished then wonders why they go blunt! I keep a set of knives for personal use separate and have at least taught her not to touch them

Swmbo cracked the lip off a £70 Kenwood bowl, she knows not how. I do, though - she threw it in the dishwasher on top of a cast iron roasting pan.

 

[MikeJhn]

My OH was convinced that the ES sign on the back of the car in front meant it was from Estonia.

 

[Droogs]

As my SWMBO never believes I may actually know something, even though she asks me, my standard reply now (if I want her to do the correct thing) is to phone Billy. He will tell her the exact same thing as me, but she will believe him. Saves ages arguing.

 

[D_W]

LOL do you feel better after getting all that off your chest D_W?

Little bit! Wouldn't have guessed the phone cord and thermostat issue was so common!

 

[Jameshow]

As my SWMBO never believes I may actually know something, even though she asks me, my standard reply now (if I want her to do the correct thing) is to phone Billy. He will tell her the exact same thing as me, but she will believe him. Saves ages arguing.

My shmbo will ask for my advice, before telling me the decision she has made previous to our "conversation." Much like a public consultation!!

Cheers James

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Little bit! Wouldn't have guessed the phone cord and thermostat issue was so common!

I got so tired of trying to find phones with flat batteries I got a base with a corded handset for my desk and one sattelite -if it goes flat my loved one has to find it and it matters not to me. We had four handsets before one by one they got lost as both she and my children were incapable of putting them back on their bases.

 

[D_W]

Dead batteries and near empty gas tanks are a specialty here, too. I am chief battery charger and tank filler even though I usually ride public trans to work.

FIL is these things, too. Enjoyed the comment a few posts above about calling a friend to explain something to the mrs. I think that's part of marriage for most - that once you're married, two things happen:
1) your jokes go from being funny to a threat to the reputation of the household's ability to talk appropriately
2) whatever you say, it can't be correct or good advice (not talking about life changing advice here, just things like "the purple phone and the black phone are both microusb, they can both use the same charge cords and all of the devices that charge with any of the cords with a USB end all use the same stub that plugs into the wall - it changes the house current to 5 volts).

Do not attempt to go back and revisit things that you said that turn out to be correct, either - this doesn't have the effect of making your suggestions seen as more accurate in the future based on revisiting experience from the past!!

(former coworker of mine retired about 2 years ago. He visited the office, and I said "see, I'll bet retirement is great. How's it going?". He said to me "well, I got used to a certain standard where my clients and coworkers relied on my advice and I felt pretty good about myself, but since retiring, I have learned that everyone must've been idiots because everything that I say is wrong and all of my ideas are stupid")

Hah...he was a mild mannered guy -that was like screaming for him to subtly say that.

He's from the same prior culture as me (farming ancestors - spouses generally ruled inside the doors and the men populated the outside area. When inside, it's best not to talk to much because you're already out of place just by being indoors - invading territory that you may visit but you certainly don't have standing in said indoor space).

Since I have no outdoor farm to flee to (neither did my coworker), I've attempted to make the basement and garage equivalent to what the outdoors was for my ancestors. It's pretty effective - not 100%, but way better than being seen as an upstairs invader.

 

[AFFF]

As my SWMBO never believes I may actually know something, even though she asks me, my standard reply now (if I want her to do the correct thing) is to phone Billy. He will tell her the exact same thing as me, but she will believe him. Saves ages arguing.

Who is this mythical Billy? Can I have his phone number please ....