Polling-day blues

[Eric The Viking]

(this is a really old one)

Being a religious man, George decides help the local convent by ferrying the nuns to the polling station in his car. Obviously, he can only take three at a time, so he has to do it in batches.

He's on trip three, passing the same policeman on point duty* at the top of the High St. when he notices the bobby looking at him oddly. On trip four, the policeman steps into the road, right hand raised in the official "Stop" indication, and waves George into the side of the road.

"Excuse me sir, are you lost?"

. . .

It's probably the way I tell 'em.
That may not be a good thing.

E.

*told you: it's an OLD joke.

 

[Dangermouse]

An even older nun one,

there were two old nuns walking in the park, when a young streaker jumped out in front of them. Whipped open his coat and flashed his rather large bits at them. WELL.......... one poor old nun had a stroke, but sadly the other one couldn't reach.

 

[flying haggis]

two nuns walking back to the convent late at night when the Devil jumps out in front of them.

First nun says to the second nun "Show him your cross"

Second nun yells "F**k off devil!!"

 

[UTMonkey]

OK, you all know this one. What's funny for me about this one is that someone told me it twenty years ago and I only just got it last month, I kid you not.

Two nuns in a bath, one says where's the soap? The other replies, it does a bit doesn't it.


Twenty bl**dy years!!!!

 

[flying haggis]

A nun bursts in to the Mother Superiors office and exclaims " Mother, we have a case of syphillis in the convent"

Mother Superior replies "Good, it will make a change from the leibfraumilch"



======================================================


Two nuns are riding there bikes down a cobbled street.

One says to the other "I haven't come this way before, have you?"

 

[AES]

"Oh, all right then, if you REALLY insist" ................

Little Margaret
Little Margaret was not the best student in the Catholic school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend, sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Margaret in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Margaret fell back a sleep.

The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Margaret jumped up and shouted,
"If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The Nun fainted.

AES

 

[Dangermouse]

There was a line of nuns queuing up to get into heaven. St. Peter beckoned the first nun forward and asked. Sister have you ever had carnal knowledge of a man. " well....." said the nun, " I did when I was younger touch a young man's member with my finger". " Very well sister " said St Peter, wash you finger in this holy water and pass on into heaven. Then came the second nun, she was asked the same question, and replied, " I cannot tell a lie St. Peter, I did once pleasure a man till climax, with my hand". Wash you hand in the water sister and pass into heaven said St. Peter. But then before the next nun was asked the question, a big old fat nun pushed her way up the line and barged in front of the third nun. Why what ever is the matter sister asked St. Peter. "I'll tell you" said the old nun, " I want to wash my mouth out, before sister Martha, washes her ass in it ! " ( not as rude as the original version)