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Lons

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Breaking news:

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.


The decision to hire them was brought about by report on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 4 seconds without proper equipment, where as Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 6 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.


It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouser pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 4 seconds, but within 10 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McClaren team for 10 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Carlos Sainz's bird in the shower!!
 

Robbo3

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A gynaecologist, tired of his profession and wanting less responsibility decided he had to have a complete change of career. After giving it some thought, he decided that as he was quite serious about keeping his car in good order, then becoming a qualified car mechanic could fit the bill for something he enjoyed and was reasonably good at doing. However he knew that modern engines and systems were very different from his old veteran sports car, so he enrolled in a course at the local technical college. As he had a science-based education he pretty much walked through all the theory parts, and also did well in the practical tests. The final exam however required each student to strip and reassemble a complete modern engine that had a few deliberately introduced problems.

It was with a bit of concern that he started this last test. When he had finished he turned the engine over to the examiners for their final marking.

When the results were announced he was astounded to see that he had been given a final mark of 150%.

He asked his instructor how it was possible to receive such a mark.

“It was simple” said the instructor. “We gave you 50% for identifying the problems and stripping down the engine”.

“We gave you another 50% for flawlessly putting it all back together again”

“However we felt we just had to give you another 50% for your astounding ability to do all this through the exhaust pipe!”
 
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