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Male Vs Female At The ATM MAchine

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DeanN

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A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines
enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16.. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
 

Lons

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Well, my wife's a great driver and that's just chauvanist :---) :wink:

Bob


" Yes dear, I've posted what you said, now can I have my workshop keys back please " (hammer) :lol:
 

Digit

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Must be one of those days. I live on a bend and it's necessary to drive along the hard shoulder to be able to see both ways. Problem, new lady neighbour. Will she park in her drive? NO SHE BLOODY WELL WON'T!
We have a new, again, lady on 'tother side, this morning I pull out of my drive onto said hard shoulder, and as normal, first lady has parked in on the hard shoulder, so I drive along till I can see past her, where upon second lady pulls up behind me in her bloody great battle wagon. So now she can't see up the road and I can't see down the damn thing!
Swearing profusely and making nasty comments about lady drivers I backed into a neigbour's drive so that second lady can move, then follow her out.
Pull into a local cafe in town for a coffee, have a chat with some friends then leave cafe, to find yet another lady driver unloading her car, whilst parked behind me so that I can't reverse out!
Having finally been released I drove onto local indstrial estate to buy some wood screws, as I came around a bend there is yet another lady driver coming towards me, on my side of the road!
On the way home I end up in a 60 zone behind, yes, another lady driver managing all of 35mph. With a sigh of relief her near side indicator starts to flash, oh good, she's turning off.
Yep! But not at the next turning. Not even the one after that either! :roll:

Roy.
 

gregmcateer

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I agree. B****y nightmare, aren't they?!?

The other day one of the fairer sex pulled out in front of me - I had to jam on the brakes and ended up spilling my hot coffee all down my front, dropped the phone into the footwell, alongside the ciggie I was smoking and to cap it all stubbed my spare finger, (other obviously being raised in salute), on the satnav button.... :lol:
 

Digit

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Brown trouser job? If you think I'm being unfair we had one lady pass my house one day on 4 wheel rims, no tyres.
According to the local police when she came to court she hadn't noticed that there were no tyres on the wheels. I've often wondered what actually happened to them.

Roy.
 

Mark A

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Digit":3qkfbrgp said:
According to the local police when she came to court she hadn't noticed that there were no tyres on the wheels. I've often wondered what actually happened to them.
She probably took a shortcut through a barbed wire fence
 
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