Joke thread

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Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night.

Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works!

I already have three people following me... two police officers and a psychiatrist!
 
Having lived there (St. Johns) for a bit, I'm standing up for the Newfies.
Indeed. But this is a global trait. In England, we do it to the Irish. In Europe, it's Belgium that cops it. Australia does the same to New Zealand. In New Zealand, it's North Island v South Island

Always one country (or part thereof) vs. a smaller neighbour.

What (to my mind) distinguishes a good Newfie joke (if we're allowed any) is the double punchline. For example, in brief:
Housebuilding. Builder throws half of the nails away. Asked why, "Because the've got the heads on the wrong end."
"Dumbo. They are the nails for the other side of the building."

[It's not so much the joke; it's the way you tell it.]
 
Indeed. But this is a global trait. In England, we do it to the Irish. In Europe, it's Belgium that cops it. Australia does the same to New Zealand. In New Zealand, it's North Island v South Island

I had some years ago a huge paperback of the world's racist and unPC jokes. The author stated at the beginning that virtually ever joke recurs in some form all over the world.
 
What (to my mind) distinguishes a good Newfie joke (if we're allowed any) is the double punchline. For example, in brief:
Housebuilding. Builder throws half of the nails away. Asked why, "Because the've got the heads on the wrong end."
"Dumbo. They are the nails for the other side of the building."

Reminiscent of the blonde joke - A blonde sees another blonde on opposite river bank. How do I get over there? she shouts. What? comes the reply, you are over there.
 
Her Sister is 67 now.
Not necessarily, it depends on your definition of age. If the measurement is in years then the age difference is anything between “1 year and 1 day” to “1 year and 364 days“. The younger sister will be aged between “66 and 1 day” to “68 and 364 days”. Also, whilst the older sister is 70 the younger sisters age will change from “66 to 67“ or from “67 to 68“, unless they we’re born on the same day and month.

I think that is correct, without checking it on paper.
 
Meanwhile in another thread the earth is suffering from global warming but its the English way have a laugh on the way All togeather now ( when your smiling .........)
 
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