"Wakes " is a north of England holiday of two two weeks granted by mill owners to the workers every year different towns hade their "Wakes" at different time Rochdale for example always had the last week of June and the first week of July Oldham had a different period. The landladies of Blackplool new where their visitors were from by which "Wakes week" it was. A custom which has more or less died out because of flexible working practices.
Joke thread
- Thread starter Noel
- Start date
Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:
- Status
At the head of the Swansea Valley in South Wales we have a mountainside which looks just like someone laying on their back, just like this.
,,,
Keith Cocker
Established Member
The nearest town to where I lived when I was a kid was Oldham. It was like a ghost town in wakes week. Literally everything was shut. But because the weeks were staggered around the cotton towns and always the same dates you could go shopping in a neighbouring town.
stuart little
Established Member
The old 'uns are always the best!
stuart little
Established Member
What did one penguin say to another?
You're a jackass!
You're a jackass!
My Father in law is from Ukraine and he told me this joke.
The Soviet space agency are looking to be the first to send a manned mission to Mars and are looking for a Cosmonaut to carry out the Mission. Only problem is with the current technology it will have to be a one way mission with no chance of return
Gorbecev sends for Valentin Glushko and gives him strict orders to find a man for the job. He explains that budgets are tight and the chosen Cosmonaut will be greatly honoured by the party.
His first call is to a Russian cosmonaut based in Moscow called Ivan.
“ Ivan we have an opportunity for you to go down in history as the first man to set foot on Mars. You will become a great man within the party and we will name towns and schools in your honour. The only set back is you will not return”
“I am a loyal servant of the party and would be honoured to take the mission. As I will be leaving behind a loving wife and 3 sons I would request the small matter of $1 million compensation to secure their future” Says Ivan
Glushko thinks on this for a while and considers the price too steep. He decides to speak to a Kazakhstani Cosmonaut based in Almaty called Dimitri.
“Dimitri we have an opportunity for you to go down in history as the first man to set foot on Mars. You will become a great man within the party and we will name towns and schools in your honour. The only set back is you will not return“
“I am a loyal servant of the party and would be honoured to take the mission. As I will be leaving behind a loving wife and 3 sons along with 2 mistresses and a Dacha by the coast I would request the small matter of $2 million compensation to secure their future” Says Ivan
Glushko thinks on this again as $2 million is definitely beyond their budget. He decides on one last attempt before returning to star city with news. And contacts an old friend of his a Ukrainian Cosmonaut called Victor.
He explains to Victor the challenge he has been set by the great leader of the party and the issues he has faced along the way and offers Victor the mission.
Victor ponders on this for a moment and says “I will solve this problem for you for $3 million. “
Glushko, taken aback scoffs “ Don’t tell me you Have a wife and 5 children, 3 mistresses, a Dacha by the coast and an apartment in the city to fund”
Victor says “ No, I am thinking a million for you, a million for me and we will send the Russian.”
The Soviet space agency are looking to be the first to send a manned mission to Mars and are looking for a Cosmonaut to carry out the Mission. Only problem is with the current technology it will have to be a one way mission with no chance of return
Gorbecev sends for Valentin Glushko and gives him strict orders to find a man for the job. He explains that budgets are tight and the chosen Cosmonaut will be greatly honoured by the party.
His first call is to a Russian cosmonaut based in Moscow called Ivan.
“ Ivan we have an opportunity for you to go down in history as the first man to set foot on Mars. You will become a great man within the party and we will name towns and schools in your honour. The only set back is you will not return”
“I am a loyal servant of the party and would be honoured to take the mission. As I will be leaving behind a loving wife and 3 sons I would request the small matter of $1 million compensation to secure their future” Says Ivan
Glushko thinks on this for a while and considers the price too steep. He decides to speak to a Kazakhstani Cosmonaut based in Almaty called Dimitri.
“Dimitri we have an opportunity for you to go down in history as the first man to set foot on Mars. You will become a great man within the party and we will name towns and schools in your honour. The only set back is you will not return“
“I am a loyal servant of the party and would be honoured to take the mission. As I will be leaving behind a loving wife and 3 sons along with 2 mistresses and a Dacha by the coast I would request the small matter of $2 million compensation to secure their future” Says Ivan
Glushko thinks on this again as $2 million is definitely beyond their budget. He decides on one last attempt before returning to star city with news. And contacts an old friend of his a Ukrainian Cosmonaut called Victor.
He explains to Victor the challenge he has been set by the great leader of the party and the issues he has faced along the way and offers Victor the mission.
Victor ponders on this for a moment and says “I will solve this problem for you for $3 million. “
Glushko, taken aback scoffs “ Don’t tell me you Have a wife and 5 children, 3 mistresses, a Dacha by the coast and an apartment in the city to fund”
Victor says “ No, I am thinking a million for you, a million for me and we will send the Russian.”
From the defunct German Democratic Republic,
A German worker gets a job in Siberia; aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: “Let’s establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false.” After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: “Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair — the only thing unavailable is red ink.”
A German worker gets a job in Siberia; aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: “Let’s establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false.” After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: “Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair — the only thing unavailable is red ink.”
flying haggis
Established Member
Ttrees
Iroko loco!
Only posted on a thread about moving benches last night,
Some cat must have been reading, as he/she left the calling card when I was in for a mugga tae.
What a stench, wolfies blankets had a narrow escape, wonder if it was the spray bottle of water beside which gave Pischkins the urge?
Some cat must have been reading, as he/she left the calling card when I was in for a mugga tae.
What a stench, wolfies blankets had a narrow escape, wonder if it was the spray bottle of water beside which gave Pischkins the urge?
Sorry your B s are coming out as D s on my tablet
And the Spanish hoteliers dont understand English dialects
- Status
