"You look sad.... What's up? "
"The wife is upset with me" "Again?! Why this time?"
"Well, today I saw her bending over the freezer and I was suddenly overcome with passion! I couldn't control myself! You can guess the rest.... " "No wonder she's upset with you!"
"Yes, I know....and they're not happy in Tesco's either "
A young man walks onto the stage on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.
Matthew Kelly introduces him as Simon. "It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened"...
"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs"... "That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial"...? asks Matthew.
"No, Matthew...while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died, but they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful! I've been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year...."
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
Kelly responds with, "That's an unbelievable story. Truly inspirational! So tonight, who are you going to be?"
"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and half uncle"