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bushwhaker

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Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back.
I replied: "Hell, yes, who did you think it was!"
 

Cozzer

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In addition to my "S'funny, the things that inspire songwriters to put pen to paper" occasional series, I should also mention the great Willie Nelson.... It was after many years working at a garbage disposal facility that he wrote "Aint it funny how slime tips away...."
 

Cozzer

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Even the Rogers and Hart songwriting team were adept at forming lyrics for vocalists based on earlier experience.
The unforgettable Ella Fitzgerald, who'd been a milliner specialising in male headgear for a good few years, inspired the words
"We'll have man hat on..."
 

Cozzer

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A further, and far more recent example of "S'funny, the things that inspire songwriters to put pen to paper" would be R.Kelly and "I believe I can fly...."

Perhaps he wishes he had done....
 

Doug B

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"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee
 

Cozzer

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The world in 2021.

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody`s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn`t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
 

Zedgeezer

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"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN.... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee
"OLD" IS WHEN.... you totally understand every comment above.
 

Jester129

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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is
assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.


He notices, however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.


The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son."


He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,

"The word was ...



CELEBRATE!"
 
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