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Cozzer

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13 Jun 2017
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Derbyshire
Two 90 year old men, Fred and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
It's clear that Joe is dying, so Fred visits him every day.
"Joe, we have both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years. Do me a favour, please? When you get to Heaven, try to let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Fred from his death bed...
"Fred, you've been my best friend for many years. Rest assured, if I can, I will...."

Joe didn't make it through the night....

At midnight a couple of nights later, Fred is awakened from his sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him.

"Fred! FRED!"
"Who is it?" asks Fred sitting up suddenly.
"Who is it?!" Who is it?! It's me, Joe!"
"You can't be! You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe!" insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?!"
"I'm actually In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news for you, and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first!" says Fred.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there IS football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too! Even better than that, we're all young again! Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!"
"That's fantastic!" says Fred. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're playing Tuesday."
 

Turnr77

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Gloucestershire
Two blondes out on a walk in the country come across some tracks,

"Look at these" says one "I think they're fox tracks"
"No" says the second "I think they're deer tracks"
Again the first Blonde ponders and says "actually look how big they are, we're not far from the zoo I think they could be from an escaped lion!"

Then the train hit them.........
 

Ozi

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Rugby Uk
Mary had a little lamb, it sat upon a pylon
10,000 volts went up its 4rse, and now it's made of nylon
When Mary had a little lamb
the midwife was surprised
but when McDonald had a farm
She couldn't believe her eyes!
 
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