Joke Thread II

UKworkshop.co.uk

Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:

Yorkieguy

Established Member
Joined
1 Jun 2012
Messages
161
Reaction score
576
Location
Cottingham, East Yorkshire
1657102028806.png
 

morqthana

Guest
Joined
20 Apr 2022
Messages
387
Reaction score
395
Research on bread indicates that:



1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.



2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.



3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.



4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.



5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!



6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.



7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.



8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.



9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.



10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.



11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.



12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
 

llangatwgnedd

Established Member
Joined
17 Sep 2002
Messages
1,098
Reaction score
45
Location
Castell Nedd, De Cymru
Urgent help required.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a load of cardboard boxes on really short notice? A bloke I know has to move house today, and doesn’t have much time to prepare.
If anyone can help, could you please drop any boxes round to Boris’ house? It’s 10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AA.
 

Phill05

Established Member
Joined
27 Oct 2014
Messages
427
Reaction score
383
Location
Derbyshire
Urgent help required.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a load of cardboard boxes on really short notice? A bloke I know has to move house today, and doesn’t have much time to prepare.
If anyone can help, could you please drop any boxes round to Boris’ house? It’s 10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AA.
Cancel that last request he's "staying put" as nobody wants him living next to them.
 

Latest posts

Top