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Funny visit to A & E last year

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Claymore

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Hi, all this talk about chopping yourself on powertools has prompted me to tell you about a funny visit to Dumfries Hospital last year and managed to do it with no power tools! :shock:
I have been having quite a few visits there to remove dodgy lumps etc for 12 months and fingers crossed I have no more so onwards and upwards, but on one visit the quack noticed an unrelated lump near my tackle and told me to keep an eye on it which i did and it went from 1/2" to 4" long in 3 days and i called my GP who came to the house and immediately phoned the hospital to have them ready as i was going in! :shock:
I was told not to drive so got a lift off my father in law (nightmare for another story) and when we arrived i went in and they put me in a small side room, I was then examined by a doctor who gasped at the size of it lol (in my dreams lol) and said it needs sorting asap as it was some sort of cyst and was ready to blow which wouldn't be a good idea as it was attached to the femoral artery which isn't good? he then said the earliest i could get into surgery was the following night at 8pm! I told him i couldn't wait so long as i hadn't got anything sorted for my dog etc so can't he do it here as he said it needs cutting out......he looked at me as if i was nuts but he said he could do it if he had to so i said get on with it (trying to act tough but crapping myself lol) so i was prepared for surgery by a very young nurse who assured me she had seen it all before......just not mine lol. The doctor said he would inject the area and would need 5 for the size of it but after two i convinced myself and him i couldn't feel a thing (wondered why they kept looking at each other) so he set to work with a scalpel and boy did it sting lol but i was watching as he did it.......then came a very funny bit. He said Nurse have you got your phone with you and she gets her smart phone out and starts pointing it at the wound! I said what are ya doing.......this better not be on Youtube or Facebook tonight which made them chuckle and she said she was using the torch on it to light up so he could see where to cut :lol: I was there in this brand new multi million pound super hospital and they couldn't afford a sodding torch or spot lamp, anyway after 30 mins he had cut most of it out and said he needed to get the root of it out (yak) and started pulling at something very nasty and wished i had more injections but finally it was all out and they got the nurse to clean it and it was stitched up and left with a hole to drain (yak) two months later it had not returned but the scar tissue is a bit iffy when driving but I can live with that. They were quite surprised that i wanted to watch the operation and also that i could cope with pain pretty good and i told them that Ruth always watched hospital programmes like 24 hour A &E etc and got so good at identifying illnesses on there she could advise the doctors on what to do lol and after watching gruesome ops having a minor op was peanuts so i did the same thing and it took some of the worry away if that makes any sense? I just though there are people with their legs hanging off so a tiny thing like mine is nothing. My other ops went ok but had to have more radiation treatment than i thought but I found it very funny having an operation in a store cupboard with a torch lol.
A few weeks ago they had a feature about the super hospital showing all their fancy scanners etc but no mention of the nurses mobile phone. :lol:
Cheers and watch were ya put ya tools
Brian
 

Lons

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I'd have to be knocked out before allowing them to do that to me. :shock:
My brother had a vasectomy a few years ago and made them prop him up so he could watch, he said "no one get near my bits with a knife unless I'm watching with my fists clenched ready to strike". He does live in a rough area! :wink:
 

SammyQ

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I watched them free up my carpal tunnel syndrome, both times. Absolutely fascinating seeing the tendon operating your finger curl...sorry, biologists are like that... :oops:
Great ironic story Brian!
Sam
 

MJP

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I had laser surgery on my nose under local anaesthesia - several injections spiralling in from the edges of my face, the final ones into the tip of my nose were just as unpleasant as it sounds!

Burnt nose flesh from the laser smells like burning wool.

Martin.
 

Garno

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MJP":12d6p1sz said:
I had laser surgery on my nose under local anaesthesia - several injections spiralling in from the edges of my face, the final ones into the tip of my nose were just as unpleasant as it sounds!

Burnt nose flesh from the laser smells like burning wool.

Martin.
I wonder how many people are wondering what you had the surgery for :D :D :D :lol:
 

MJP

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Hah!

Well, I had very bad acne when I was younger and one result of this can be that much later in life your nose grows hugely deformed with various outgrowths - the kind of thing that sets kids looking at you in Tesco.

It's called Rhinophyma.

So I had surgery where three very adept nurses carved - quite literally, using a high power laser - a new nose for me out of the hideous alien thing which it had become.

I didn't half have some funny looks when I walked around the village in the following weeks,with a bright red nose while it healed.

Martin.
 

Lons

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OUCH !

I had laser eye surgery about 12 years ago, didn't hurt but like you I remember the distinct smell of burning flesh.
 

Claymore

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Blimey some gruesome stuff there, had the carpal tunnel done and yep its great to watch when they move bits about, I am always fascinated by the lack of blood in some operations considering the amount of blood i had thanks to my attempts to coil an old bandsaw blade just a scratch but blood everywhere sos. I am ok with most things but anything to do with eye's, noses makes me cringe just thinking of it lol. Burning flesh yep hands up everyone who has hacksawed a bolt and picked the offcut up? I have a dent in my finger where the barsteward branded me lol.
I have been having the laser carving done since last year and also a nifty gadget thats like a electric pen with a fine wire coil on the end that they loop around any dodgy lumps then they turn it on and pull the coil and it cuts it off without causing damage to surrounding tissue clever stuff and means they can tackle more lumps in one go cutting down on more treatment/visits.
My sister had her eye's lasered in France and she said they put a rubber ring around her eye (under her eyelids) to keep it open yak then the laser and she said it smelt like burning flesh......she's been fine since and first time without glasses for 20yrs but you must be brave to let them touch your eyes......no way for me.
Cheers
Brian
 

scooby

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MJP":28pra8ek said:
I had laser surgery on my nose under local anaesthesia - several injections spiralling in from the edges of my face, the final ones into the tip of my nose were just as unpleasant as it sounds!

Burnt nose flesh from the laser smells like burning wool.

Martin.
I can sympathise with you on some level. I had a cycling accident many years ago, which resulted in me having a large cut/hole beneath just above my upper lip. Nearly all the way through.
Quite a few injections and stitches, I like to think I can handle a bit of pain but that hurt. On the bright side, I had a good reason to grow a beard.
 
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