Am I the only person depressed by the number of comments with gender or racial stereotypes in them?

[Jacob]

This thread is pretty grim. It's about opposition to racism and sexism but we have quite a crowd asserting their "right" to continue in much the same appalling way.
They claim to be "victims" of "wokeism", which is pretty pathetic really.
It's like saying "it's all very well going on about racism/sexism but what about us poor racists/sexists?"
Times they are a changin' - but slowly in some parts of the community; yesterday's men (and women less often!).

 

[AJB Temple]

I doubt women feel either excluded or care. I get included in female conversations sometimes (most of my colleagues are female lawyers) and they happily use words that men think are verboten about women, compare men in all respects, can be very rude about them, and have a very active sense of humour. Men are being a bit precious here. Women are pretty resilient. After all they gave birth to you.

 

[D_W]

I think you have to go back and read the posts from the 2 women who posted in this thread (and interestingly had chosen to post very little before). One of them said that the jokes didn't bother her but the banter about "the missus" did. My experience is that women find the jokes pretty dull and contribute to a locker room atmosphere that makes them feel excluded. I guess if people are happy for them to feel diminished and excluded, they should use whatever language you want.

I found one. I didn't find the other. When people talk about grief with the missus or being pleased not to have one, I've never seen that as offensive. Half of the mothers on my dr's softball team are divorced, and they do talk freely about how happy they are to be away from their husbands. I don't assume that's offensive - I assume they're happy to be away from their husbands. It's none of my business to see if I can get enough information from them to justify their statement.

At some point, people have to make a decision about things like that to think about whether the person saying them actually intended to offend them. When someone makes race-based comments, they are being offensive and they know it. When they say they're happy to not have a missus, it's probably because they had a bad experience and it's a generalized comment.

True story - we are old school here. Usually have a "part of the neighborhood" party each summer where my short street gets together and talks to people they may not even like that much - we still do, so that we don't forget about each other. It turns out, it helps us know each other better and we like each other better. One of the neighbors down the street cared for her elderly aunt (99 at the time, now deceased, but she did get to 100). I constantly heard, "when did your husband pass", and she'd say "WHAT!?" (she was hard of hearing, too, but I think that was part of her joke that follows). I thought it was kind of rude to assume she had a husband because what if she didn't...

..and she didn't. Which was always followed with "oh, that's terrible...why didn't you ever get married? you're such a nice person." Every single time, she would say "why wasn't I ever married? Just lucky I guess!!" and crack a big smile. It was never younger people asking her if she was married, because we don't care. That's her business and not mine, but folks from the generation between mine and hers thought that everyone had to follow the rules and do the same thing, and she didn't. I wouldn't say it was offensive to tell her what a shame it was, just that it was rude.

Same as the follow ups "oh, so you never had kids? Such a shame, I couldn't imagine going through life without my kids".

Well, why don't you just tell the person that you think they were a failure. Maybe she didn't like men, and maybe if that's the case, we shouldn't ask. Why not ask her what she did for a living instead? Jeez.

Life is a bit easier in terms of being offended or upset about someone else's comments if you consider all of the reasons that they could make them and then assume they have good intentions.

 

[Rorschach]

"oh, so you never had kids? Such a shame, I couldn't imagine going through life without my kids".

Oh I get so wound up when people ask me that.

 

[D_W]

I think you have to go back and read the posts from the 2 women who posted in this thread (and interestingly had chosen to post very little before). One of them said that the jokes didn't bother her but the banter about "the missus" did. My experience is that women find the jokes pretty dull and contribute to a locker room atmosphere that makes them feel excluded. I guess if people are happy for them to feel diminished and excluded, they should use whatever language you want.

Btw, I sometimes have to encourage the wife's divorced mom friends to continue on with their discussion about what they don't like about men, because it's not going to offend me, and I'm not going to go tell their ex-husbands. Please do not make me feel (my thoughts toward them) that somehow, my sitting here watching my daughter's game means you can't speak freely.

 

[Fitzroy]

Saying your wife should be an archeologist as she is so good at bringing up the past also works, even standing on stage and saying it that way would get a lot of laughs, I expect changing the joke to my partner should be ...etc.... would get even more laughs as I bet it’s not man to wife only thing. Standing on stage and saying all women should be archaeologists etc is not more funny, unless you want to appeal to male bravado that all their wives are a bunch of old moaning nags who spoil all their fun. To label all of one sex as something for a laugh is lazy humour, if you cause distress to even one person just for your amusement is it worth it?

I’ve had some great conversations about this with the opposite sex, other races, sexualities etc and my main takeaway is that the important thing is not getting it right or wrong, but being aware and thoughtful and honest when we screw it up.

 

[doctor Bob]

This thread is pretty grim. It's about opposition to racism and sexism but we have quite a crowd asserting their "right" to continue in much the same appalling way.

Put simply, what a load of boolloxs.
Your posts are aimed to stir things up, your agenda is left politics, you play the game all the time and are now totally transparent.
You have refused to acknowledge / answer the multiple accusations of "posting hurtful / spiteful comments", you stick your head in the sand and pretend it's others when it's you.
The real shame is forums appear to be a game for you, I admit your excellent at it and always seem to acheive your goals even if it hurts others, I don't think you care as long as you "win".

 

[Jacob]

Put simply, what a load of boolloxs.
Your posts are aimed to stir things up, your agenda is left politics, you play the game all the time and are now totally transparent.
You have refused to acknowledge / answer the multiple accusations of "posting hurtful / spiteful comments", you stick your head in the sand and pretend it's others when it's you.

I've asked many times for people to give me examples of the hurtful/spiteful comments I'm accused of, but get no response.
It's not something I do. Never have, never will, intentionally at least.
I admit to being opinionated and sometimes annoying people but I don't do personal attacks.
See if you can find an example - and no I haven't gone back and edited them out - they simply are not, and never were there.
On the other hand I get a continual stream of of critical comments - even in just this one thread, starting with your own!
I do answer back occasionally. oop yours Bobby!

 

[doctor Bob]

I admit to being opinionated and sometimes a bit pushy but I don't do personal attacks.

LOL, woke speak at it's best.

The old boy who touches a womans buttocks and says, I've never sexually harassed a woman but I am a very touchy feely person........................

 

[Jacob]

LOL, woke speak at it's best.

The old boy who touches a womans buttocks and says, I've never sexually harassed a woman but I am a very touchy feely person........................

You've lost me there. What's that about? What is "woke speak" exactly?

 

[doctor Bob]

See if you can find an example - and no I haven't gone back and edited them out - they simply are not, and never were there.

Jacob, open your ears mate, plenty here think you snipe, stir, belittle, you're an exceptionally clever man, you know what your doing, you love it, if petrol can be poured on the fire you will. I believe you go out of your way to deliberately upset people, for your own enjoyment

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

 

[doctor Bob]

On the other hand I get a continual stream of of critical comments - even in just this one thread, starting with your own!

Yes this is one of your tricks Jacob, turn it around so it's you who is being picked on, very clever technique. Look at me everybody, Bobby is picking on me

Kids use it but tend to grow out of it when they reach adulthood.

 

[Jacob]

Yes this is one of your tricks Jacob, turn it around so it's you who is being picked on, very clever technique. Kids use it but tend to grow out of it when they reach adulthood.

I rather thought the "victims of woke" were the ones trying to do a childish trick.
Anyway I'm outa here it's going nowhere.

 

[doctor Bob]

I thought the "victims of woke" were the ones doing the childish trick.

No it's you I'm afraid. I know i'm not the bearer of bad news as you know exactly what you are doing.

 

[doctor Bob]

Anyway I'm outa here it's going nowhere.

Oh dear, don't you like it when a punter bits back Jacob, that's not supposed to be how your game works

 

[John Brown]

"you snipe, stir, belittle,"

I have no idea what your doctorate is in, Bob, but it sure ain't self-awareness.

 

[doctor Bob]

"you snipe, stir, belittle,"

I have no idea what your doctorate is in, Bob, but it sure ain't self-awareness.

I will take that on board John, if I have upset you then you have my apology. I believe I have only been heated on the brexit forum, it does me no good and therefore refuse to join the closed forum.
As I said apologies if I have sniped, stirred ot belittled.

 

[TRITON]

I will take that on board John, if I have upset you then you have my apology. I believe I have only been heated on the brexit forum, it does me no good and therefore refuse to join the closed forum.
As I said apologies if I have sniped, stirred ot belittled.

Sorrry but if triton was in front of me in the queue I'd end up with boiled pish.............

Seems everyone is guilty of it.
But I replied with mirth rather than get upset. But I have to say to started a negativity that others took over.

Maybe right, maybe wrong, but thats my take on it.

I think we should all keep in mind the current situation thats ongoing in the world and agree than everyone is a bit on edge. Perhaps more rone to making comments that in another tiem would have been taken with more enthusiasm.

 

[Jameshow]

I

Oh I get so wound up when people ask me that.

If often think WHY did I have kids!!

Cheers James

 

[doctor Bob]

Seems everyone is guilty of it.
But I replied with mirth rather than get upset. But I have to say to started a negativity that others took over.

Maybe right, maybe wrong, but thats my take on it.

I think we should all keep in mind the current situation thats ongoing in the world and agree than everyone is a bit on edge. Perhaps more rone to making comments that in another tiem would have been taken with more enthusiasm.

In the spirit of the thread I apologise, but I think my error was being too honest (shop floor manner), that's not an excuse I suppose though. Also if you read the thread there was at least half a dozen prior to me, and not one agreeing with you. However it's me eating humble pie, I apologise.