Adventures in one day in the life of an Idiot.

[Bm101]

Or : How our Hero made the readers of UKW sit back and enjoy their hard earned competence in a self satisfied way as they laughed at his bumbling incompetence.

I was given an Erbauer router a few years back with a set of bits. Nice! I thought, and tucked it away in the shed never to see the light of day until recently when I realised 'I have one of them in the shed I've never used!'
So I dug it out, and with the dismal lack of experts on routing ever present on UKW decided it was probably best I just went for it without asking advice. Let's face it, there's not even anyone here who does this for a living or even produces their own set of DVDs I could ask. Amateurs.
So at a bit of a crucial stage in the joining together of the everlasting bench build, I dusted off the box, took a look at it, give a few of the twiddly bits a turn or two, looked briefly at the little book that came in the box. Nor sure what it was for? Wiping the rust off the collett? What could go wrong?
Got this nailed I thought as I opened my box of bits. Wait, these seem a little small to fit...... Ahhh. Wrong size bits I laughed to myself as I wondered what my mate had been thinking when he gave them to me all those years ago.
So I looked on the internet, realised it was Easter weekend and jumped in the van and hightailed it over to my local industrial estate on the off chance anyone was beaten down enough by the Capitalist Overlords to be opening up on Good Friday.
I forced my van through the one gate left open at Jewsons for the staff to leave on their weekend off. Some people don't even seem to want to help the economy.
Got any 1/2" router bits mate!?! I panted to the happy to see me last member of staff standing.

The Gods smiled on me a bit there and he pointed out the huge range of two 1/2" router bits they were offering. Perfect I cried! I'll take this one! Due to some mismanagement in the labelling system on Jewsons part it was priced at 24 quid. Okie doke. Needs must. Rings it up on the till, £38 quid. No mate. So I walk out a little later £24 lighter. Touch! I think as I run over the stores guy just lounging around by the gate with a chain and padlock in his hand. Daft place to stand anyway.

I've had a right steal. Got home and checked the price on ebay. Freudpro. That sounds German. Probably made by Festool. Ahhh £14. Nevermind.

Down the shed. Whack it in the router. Ive bodged together a little jig of sorts by using old bits of timber, clamps, whatever. I've attached my brush. Good to go.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well actually, it went alright. Not perfect, few scares, but I was super cautious, lowering the plunge a few mm at a time. And then I realised it was time to pack up. Quit while you're ahead and your beginners luck hasn't run out. Start again tomorrow with a fresh head and a fresh dose of luck. The next few cuts I might go back to the handsaw though. I'm realising why router tables are all made from dead flat man made materials. So much to learn. Still, better than not learning I suppose. Hope other peoples days went a little smoother and a little less nervy than mine. :roll:

Regards as always
Chris

 

[Wuffles]

Reminds me of the time they left me in charge of the LHC when they all went for Christmas dinner. Losers.

 

[RobinBHM]

Great story

I think we've all done something similar.......why is always when shops are about to close.

Did the router not come with 1/2" and 1/4" collets?

 

[Bm101]

No Robin, Just the half inch. I must have them for 3 years or more, never used them before strange as it may seem so never noticed. (homer)

 

[sunnybob]

Learning curve 1; never feed wood between the bit and the fence (where'd it go?)
learning curve 2; never feed wood at an angle into the bit (what the *^$2 was that?)

Its all downhill after those.

 

[Cheshirechappie]

Think I've told this story before, but it was a while ago, so it's probably time it had another airing.

Many moons ago, I did my woodworking in the kitchen of a three-bed semi (cos it had no garage). This was not long after I'd taken the first steps, and it was during that phase when you think you know a bit, but don't know enough to realise that you don't know very much at all. Anyway, I'd obtained some Brazilian Mahogany from Craft Supplies (you can tell how long ago it was - you'd probably be arrested for being possession of Brazilian Mahogany these days, and Craft Supplies went pop decades ago). I was going to make a lap-desk from a plan I'd bought somewhere. "I'll soon have this planed up" I thought, proudly hefting the brand new Record 5 1/2. I'd never heard of cambered blades, though - so after a few hours of getting basically nowhere, I thought it was time for a brew and a think. "I know - I need one of those electric planes to do the donkey work" I thought.

Following Saturday morning, I toddled into the local architectural ironmongers, asked about electric planers, and ended up with a Makita. I'd heard of Makita. They were supposed to be good. Took it home. Opened the box. Took out all the bits. Fitted them together, fiddled about. It had a dust bag, an' all - that'll be handy, I thought. Looked at the instruction book (didn't read it, just looked at it).

Well, I had to wait for the neighbours to go out ('cos I'm considerate like that), then closed the doors and windows to keep the noise down, plugged it in, took a deep breath, and holding it blade side well away from me, switched it on. Screaming banshee - but at least it didn't take off. Tried a test cut. Even more din, and a satisfyingly large trench along the board. "Good -oh" I thought, "Soon have this lot done."

Ten minutes later, I had four planed boards. Well, more accurately, I had four boards with uneven trenches and steps in them, but thinner than when I'd started.

Switched off. Blessed calm - apart from the ringing in the ears. Wondered why I was standing in a red fog. Cleaned glasses. The fog became a bit less dense, but still a fog. Checked dust bag. Not much in it. Looked at the fine dust starting to settle out on the floor. And the walls, and the ceiling, and the kitchen cabinets. Went to find the vacuum cleaner - leaving a trail of red dust. (Heaven knows what the inside of my lungs looked like, but blowing my nose looked like a terminal nose-bleed.)

It took me three hours to clean everything up. I even found red dust inside some of the kitchen cabinets. About the only place to escape was the inside of the fridge. It took another hour the following day, when most of the rest of the dust had settled out. Two years later when I redecorated, I was still finding it.

That, gentlemen, is not the ONLY reason I've gone hand-tools only ..... but it certainly contributed to the decision.

 

[worn thumbs]

I won't admit to quite the same lack of enthusiasm for power tools,as they do have their uses.Having read the tale of the planer it reminds me why mine gets used so little.Maybe the tale should be re-told on one of the American forums since there seems to be an abiding belief that "tools" inevitably have switches.

Maybe we should have a poll on which power tool causes the greatest amount of damage for the least amount of benefit to the user.For all the benefit of rapid progress,it only counts if the wood you just removed was wood that you wanted to remove.I shudder to think of the damage done by power sanders in the hands of enthusiastic amateurs.What's your candidate for most damaging machine?

 

[Bm101]

I do ask myself why i'm doing this. Why Ive invested a lot of time and tbh a fair bit of money and what I actually enjoy. To make jigs? My brain doesnt work like that. Not really. It's a hobby for me and the greatest enjoyment I find is by using handtools. I'm at the start of my learning curve. I'm not averse to to using powertools by any stretch. Do i enjoy doing it. Not really. It works for me as an amateur but it throws up new questions. I think to be honest I'll be going back to the saw and the chisel except for a few bits and pieces. Each to their own of course.

 

[sunnybob]

We've veered off topic a bit i think, but to put the other side of the power tools argument....
I started this hobby two years ago when i retired, but very soon realised that I have to use power tools due to arthritic hands. Holding hammers and chisels while my hands receivi multiple shocks hurt me. Same with planes, I have trouble gripping them for any length of time. So I use power tools. And that is why I am so conscious of dust problems and clean my garage several times a day as well as connecting the big stuff to an extractor.

I have stayed away from electric sanders though, I think they are the worst by quite a margin.

My most useful tool is a router mounted on a sled. Thats my thicknesser and planer all in one. and no snipe.

 

[otter]

I have stayed away from electric sanders though, I think they are the worst by quite a margin.

I would have agreed until I bought a Festool Rotex. Combined with my Midi extractor, there is almost no dust left on the workpiece or in the air whatsoever. Truely truely amazing in contast to any sanding done previously.

 

[Bm101]

Well. Just goes to show. Been in the shed most of the day. Haven't picked the router up. I need to learn how to use it before I wreck what I'm working on. But I have been using the circular saw to chop out the waste on the shoulders of the bearers and legs. Got the set up right from the start this time. (Live and learn).

I borrowed this method from a timber framing video I saw. Obviously it only works with larger timber but I've never seen it discussed really. Make the cuts, knock of the waste with a hammer, chisel the remains off and clean with a chisel or block plane. I've left the shoulders a bit oversized before i drill out the mortices just in case. And I've been cutting clear of the final shoulders and doing them by hand with the saw to finish. You can see the right hand bearer done in the photo below. The shoulder's not overcut, that's my safety margin on the cheeks. I'm not even sure cheeks is the right word....

The main reason I post photos is I'd like to ask some advice please. I need to cut a channel into one of the long bearers for the deadman. Not sure of the width yet, it'll depend on what I can pick up at the yard. I'd have cut an inverted V if I had a bandsaw but the thought of cutting that accurately along the whole length by handsaw was too daunting. Hence the channel. A router would be the go to tool normally. Given my lack of skills lol, anyone got any other ideas? I have a stanley plough (needs a wooden fence adding), I have a beast of a hand driven pillar drill and the circular saw that I reckon I could possibly plunge cut if i started off in mm cuts. (It's not a plunge cut by default *whistles...) Other than that I'm out of options as far as I can see. Not sure I fancy planing that depth out with the plough. Drilling and cleaning would take a month of Sundays. Literally. The wood is Keruing and seems to vary from ironwood to ash in density and approx 4" square if that helps. The last option but maybe not the worst is to get ma dancing shoes on and get practicing with the router on some waste wood.

Any ideas? I could do with some inspiration guys.
Advice and criticism is welcomed in equal measure.
Cheers as always
Chris

 

[Wuffles]

Has your router got a fence you can attach to it? And is it the full length of the leg you want to create a channel in? I'm (easily) confused.

 

[Bm101]

Yeh mate, it has a fence. The channel is along the length of the bearer though, not the leg. Heres a picture of how it should be done. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/73 ... c9bf7a.jpg so instead of the raised bevel i'd be looking at a recessed channel above and below the dead man. :wink:
With my skills and a budget router I'm a bit leery of attempting it with just the fence.

 

[Wuffles]

Depending on which thickness you want the channel to be, depends on how creative you want to get with your lethal router.

Ideally, you match the thickness of the channel to a bit you already have, but you're starting from scratch with those fancy Jewson bits, Mr Moneybags. Anyway, pick a size, match a bit, set your fence so the channel will be created in the right spot and...

...watch in horror as you forget to apply pressure to the fence, or worse, forget to tighten your fence, route the entire length of the bearer with a channel that looks like something from an episode of the gallery in Vision On drawn by Jane aged 6 when she was in her "wavy lines" phase.

Or, concentrate, a lot and pluckily route away getting it bang on first time.

Your call.

 

[Bm101]

Lol. Brilliant. i don't know why I didn't just ask you by writing a letter lol.

 

[Wuffles]

Lol. Brilliant. i don't know why I didn't just ask you by writing a letter lol.

Letters can't be returned mate, soz.