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A report into the eviction at Dale Farm has said that Police Marksmen were required to open fire three times. They won a goldfish, a teddy bear and an inflatable hammer...

I took the shell of my pet snail today to see if he could move a bit faster. I am afraid he still looks a bit sluggish... (is that my coat over there?) :lol: cheers, Andy

I've just been shopping in the local Iceland. Got to the till and paid and the checkout girl asked if I wanted any ash back! :lol: cheers, Andy

Earlier today Fabio Capello phoned Wayne Bridge and said: 'I've just spoken to John Terry and he's lost the captain's armband. Do me a favour and have a look under your bed and see if it's gone under there will you?'

INTERNET WARNING!!!! If you get an email titled: 'Nude photograph of Susan Boyle' DO NOT OPEN IT! It contains a nude photograph of Susan Boyle.

I've just seen that BNP leader Nick Griffin on TV after being pelted with eggs. He was absolutely furious that they hadn't separated the whites!

I've just been on the phone to the NHS Helpline to find out more about swine flu but all i am getting is crackling...

Just got back from a DeWalt tool conference where they have launched their new products for 2008. Apart from a new range of battery tools using Li-Ion, 28 and 36v, plus additions in the standard range 12, 14.4 and 18v, and all backwards compatible to current tools so NiCd and NiMh bodies will...

Our latest member from West Africa has had some hard luck if the PM from him I got is anything to go by! It appears his father was murdered and he has a load of dosh tied up, made from his business of diamond, coffee and cocoa dealings. Assuming we all got the same PM, we could make a few bob...