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This Whitehead Junior Planer still gets used, dates around 1955

17th of March is also the traditional day for planting seed potatoes Some from last year - Sarpo Mira, main crop

I was abducted by Aliens. I was made to - wash my hands, clean my room and eat all my vegatables. Turns out I was on the Mothership.

No man is an Island, although my son Archie comes close Jack Pelago

I don't want to die like Julius Caesar, surrounded by friends.....

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes: "Hello, toes." He said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy...

Entered my painting of Orion's Belt into an art competition.. I didn't win, but I did get a constellation prize.

Reading flyers more carefully, substantially lowers the risk of being the only one at Slimming World wearing speedos and goggles.

Cheers @ Wildman

Sir Pious was about to head off for the crusade so fitted his wife with a chastity belt. Just in case he got killed in battle he gave the key to his best friend, Sir Whumpsalot. As Sir P reached the edge of his lands, he turned to bid them adieu and spotted a rider at full gallop coming up...

I'm old enough to remember the worst winters we've ever had in the UK. Mike and Bernie.

A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. "I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 2 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there...

Tesco have installed a medical machine, that for £5 and a urine sample, would diagnose any condition. When my mate went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read…“You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my mate wondered if he could fool the...

As I get older I find that I only need three shops, Specsavers, Boots, and Greggs. My life is just specs, drugs, and sausage rolls.

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or is it just one of Granny's myths? I love taking pictures of myself standing next to a boiling kettle. The doctor says I've got selfie steam issues.

Global warming is temporarily out of order due to cold weather. ---------------------- I've been paying £2 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year..... I missed only two payments and they've just been round and broken my cat's legs....

Steal a man's wallet and he will be poor for a week. Teach him wood-work and how to buy tools and he'll be poor for life.

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My wife was reading Cosmopolitan magazine in bed last night and said to me, "It says here that most women get bored with their husband's sexual efforts after a few years of marriage." "Really love?" I replied as I continued to thrust away.