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I have one of these https://www.axminstertools.com/axminster-fm952-safety-visor-500080 and it's now very scratched. Is there anything I can use to get the scratches out or should I just buy a new one? In days gone buy I had a bottle of plastic polish (used for whiteboards) but that seems to...

Moved to a new build house about 15 months ago. kitted it out with lamps, towels rails etc and some not very cheap toilet roll holders from one of the big sheds. Now the problem has appeared and I can't see any way to fix it. Your help is appreciated. The bar that holds the roll has a square...

Found these while having a clear out. Happy to send to anyone who sends me an A4 S.A.E (probably one for each plan)

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favourite patients. The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order"...

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things...

It was a lovely day here today, so I got on my bike. As I was having a rest stop in Isle, near Limoges, I spotted these hooks on a nearby house. There is one on either side of every window. Any idea why?

The 'house' next door was not lived in for 6 years before we bought it and during that time was not looked after at all. Water has leaked in at various points and I have already had to demolish one part which was threatening to fall into the road. The remainder looks like this. The house...

A retired guy sits around the house all day so one day his wife says, “Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week”. The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says; “sure why not. Show me to the vacuum”. Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get...

This is the side door to our barn. It is made of wide boards, 3cm thick of hardwood, probably oak. As you can see at the bottom it has rotted, however, the rest above the lower 20-30cm is solid. I would like to repair it, but can't see how to attach the wood to replace the part I'm...

We have some rather large gaps in our landing floor. In order to rectify this, I want to lift the boards where I can, but how do I do this? They are tongue and grooved at the ends of the boards as well as they sides, so how do I cut them out? Is this a job for a plunge saw, (which I do not...

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan .. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. 'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from...

so you will have to be satisfied with this one liner:

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting...

I'm currently constructing a veranda on the front of our house here in France. Something along the lines of this http://www.gowercroft.co.uk/2011/11/green-oak-verandas-year-round-outdoor-space/ but with a tiled roof to give shade. The roof will be supported by normal 'chevron' wood 63x75mm...

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed "So YOU are the great Lone Ranger!" "In honour of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?' The Lone...

..............were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For £10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the...

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her...

Three ladies are playing the 4th hole at a golf course on the Sunshine Coast when a naked man wearing a bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The 3 ladies look and are in shock at the size of his Manhood. The first lady says, "Well he definitely is not my Husband."...

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied.. Well...

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and...