Recent content by Tim Nott

Nice women, by REM

An old man's son is in prison for robbery. The father writes to him saying how he doesn't know how he's going to dig over the potato patch without the son's help. The son writes back - don't dig the potato patch at all, as that's where I buried the money. The prison authorities read this letter...

67 - the sister is three years younger

Right I have given the dining table I made thirty years ago five coats of the bloody stuff and it's still patchy. Dull patches surrounded by unpleasantly glossy ones. So, how do I get rid of this and go back to varnish? Is there a stripper for danish oil?

A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the England v Italy game on Sunday. He paid £3000 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at Nottingham...

"...hard alloy forging, turdy and durable..." Holy dung!

If you are using a powered driver, slotted screws are nearly impossible to drive - the bit slips outof the slot. Pozidriv (for wood) or Phlips (for metal) are better but can still jump out the screw socket. Torx, which I've used for at least 15 years are far superior, with a non slip parallel...

Who made the original round table? Sir Cumference

The colonel, inspecting the troops, says "Private Smith, I didn't see you at camouflage practice today." "Thank you sir."

I want to build a floating staircase, with ash treads and a central sectional steel spine. Does anyone know where I can get the steel sections from? I haven't had any luck with Google - only complete sets of stairs seem to be available.

Thanks, Percy. I was thinking of using Danish oil as it is light coloured and easily repairable. I'm not familiar with Osmo - is it a similar thing?

I have a maple dining table that I made around 1990. Originally it was finished with a sprayed pre-cat lacquer, but has since been re-done with V33 water-based kitchen and bathroom varnish, bought here in France. This has worn badly and there are now several bare patches. Any suggestions for a...

Not very practical to start with, but wonderfully inspirational, Alan Peters - Cabinet Making - the Professional Approach.

Many thanks for all the replies, and Wallace's kind offer. Think I am sorted now!

Thanks very much - I have a suitable meter so will start from there.